My body is like a delicate flower, if not taken care of sincerely, it withers away.
As someone who is spontaneous and outgoing, the idea of being stuck in bed the whole day because my body is in too much pain to be able to do anything, sounded like a dreadful nightmare. However, the nightmare turned into reality; a sad reality that is.
It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia that I could understand how much of a role self-love plays into a holistic approach for a better living. Fibromyalgia, a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by issues related to fatigue, sleep, memory and mood.
Interacting with people became inconvenient, keeping up with my hobbies felt like a punishment but still the acceptance of the chronic pain was something I learned the hard way.
Visits to doctors were of little use. You prepare yourself ready to hear that your pain is not real; it’s all in your head.
Maybe if the shooting pains were little sparks of light and the aching was a red glow or maybe if they could see the fog swirling around my brain or only if my muscles screamed louder, maybe then it’d be easy for people to understand this invisible suffering.
It is quite easy for people to dismiss the pain, and call people with chronic pain lazy. But this pain is not to be swallowed. Instead, it is to be screamed as I lay on the floor and sob.
We tend to overlook the build of anxiety and stress in our body until it becomes something that weighs down our daily activities.
I am always begging my body not to be so broken but my body just laughs because it knows who started this in the first place. The stigma surrounding mental health hushed us down only to raise another stigma that is of chronic body pain.
Though this pain may live in a never-ending twilight, carrying me out beyond the face of doubt, I try to look at this with great patience and boundless acceptance.
I guess today it is ok to hold my body at pause, suspend my animation temporarily, letting my bones keep their shape in peaceful unity to breathe in gentle air tomorrow.
A journey seemingly trivial, I am eagerly becoming someone who is both determined and literate to the act of self-acceptance and self-love.