Should you be friends with these people? ; A psychological and philosophical condom for friendships

Friendships are great! Also friendships are tricky. I have read a thousand times over the internet that you are the top 5 people you surround yourself with. But friendships is the only relationship that should come without a whole set of rules and expectations right? I believe that friendships should be among the most fulfilling relationships you’ll have. The tighter the circle, the closer you are and that’s why a handful of friends are always great to have (with no offense to the social butterflies). Some people seem to have it all figured out, and some people seem to be a pushover while in fact they just like being nice to other humans. I have had my fair share of friendship fails and I am pouring down my experiences on what kind of “friends” you should distance yourself from because though you live your life from the heart, you should take important decisions from your mind. So here goes my magic potion on friendships:

·      The Jealous friend:

This is the kind of friend that might be very fun to hang out with but they are not your number one hype buddy. By jealousy, I do not mean a pinch of healthy envy, we are humans and we are flawed; but malicious jealousy is what we should be aware of. This can be as subtle as your friend “accidentally” dropping your favorite vase but initially, they acted like they loved it alot. Do not look at them through rose colored glasses because red flags will then just look like normal flags.

·      The one who comments on everything:

People who comment on everything have a thing about them, they do not give a fuck about your boundaries and we know how important boundaries are right? Your friends should be the people who bring out the best in you and are not judgmental of your goals. The people who are overly critical of each thing you say are usually very self-absorbed and narcissistic; you should stay away from them.

·      The one who loves tea:

No, not the girl who’s always sipping her herbal tea, I am taking about gossip. We are conditioned to believe that women gossip a lot. I believe that comes from some sort of misogyny. How to differentiate between gossip and just some healthy catching up? You can usually sense that in the tone of their speech while they are talking. These people generally like small talk, they do not discuss on ideas but like talking about people, especially when the people they are talking about are not around. You should know that if they talk about other people with you, they definitely talk about you with other people the same way.

·      The one whose presence drains you:

There are some “friends” who are a lot of effort to just be with. This type of friend generally finds fault in everything you do or gaslights you. The easiest way to know this type of friend; these people are generally micromanagers who try to bring you down in front of other people to make themselves feel better. They try to make you feel unworthy and try to bring you to question yourself to a point; it’s almost like making yourself feel guilty for their mistakes.

·      The drama queen (irrespective of gender):

This friend always has a situation going on in their life, they are always complaining about something that maybe you can fix and want you as a continuous support person or rescuer, they are always asking for help but in the times when you need some sort of help, they are nowhere to be seen as they have got a life full of drama and something is always going on with them.

This kind of friend can also be mistaken as the attention seeker but there’s a subtle difference for sure. They are more like those people who want you to solve their problems instead of dealing with it themselves.

·      The trouble maker:

The trouble maker and the drama queen are very similar, but they have a very clear difference when it comes to troubles. The trouble maker is constantly putting themselves in a mess that you do not want to be a part of. This is the friend you do not want to associate with but you have a sympathetic corner for them in your heart. They might usually come from troubled backgrounds. The trouble maker does not expect you to solve their problems but what’s better than a friend who is constantly in trouble due to their own stupidity? One less friend.

·      The attention seeker:

This person is self-centered. They want to be the center of attention all the time and gain validation from these moments. In extreme cases, they might start some sort of drama just to be the talk of the town because they feel important when people are talking about them or when they are the center of attention. These people are most likely to be narcissists. Maybe they do not mind in sacrificing their values and dignity for being in the limelight?  Maybe they flirt with a lot of people? Or maybe they brag a lot just to sound “cool”. You can spot these people very easily while you are meeting new people with them because they have a big urge to impress other people for validation and they try to fake it until they make it.

·      The one who compares and competes:

There is an unspoken rule in friendships, no unhealthy competition. Some people are naturally competitive and tend to compare themselves to others. I believe that this trend that has been fueled largely by technology and social media. When healthy competition in friendships loses its track, you should understand that this generally happens because of their underlying insecurities and you did nothing wrong, everyone should understand that they have their own stories and path in life and we should not be comparing our stories with others. One easy way to spot this type of person: they are not very happy when you share your accomplishments with them.

·      The user:

This person needs no introduction. These “friends” have their own agenda or self-interest when being friends with you whether it is materialistic/ emotional/ psychological. This is the person who takes and takes and takes and never gives. We can call these people a fair weather friend because when you need their help, you never seem to find them besides you; they never reach out to you. Here’s how you can spot these people; maybe they expect you to pay every time you go out / maybe they treat you as their best friend when you guys are alone but then change their colors when you are around people/ maybe they come to you each time they have a break up but later, but they do not respond when you try to reach out to them.

·      The one who doesn’t respect your time:

This one is simple; the person who doesn’t respect your time is the person who you need to immediately cut off from your life. Not just friends but its better if you do not keep any acquaintances with them because time is all we have in this world.

I could go on about this for hours but these are the general traits that you find among people that you should be aware of in my opinion. It doesn’t mean that you should cut people off when you see these traits subtly but if it is noticeable enough to make a difference in your thoughts; it’s high time you take some action. Like everything, friendship is a two way street as well and you should always be careful enough to look out for yourself because betrayal never comes from strangers, it comes from people who you trust and consider your friend. Hope this helps you make good choices in life. Thanks for reading!

Note: Everything mentioned above is just the author’s opinion that comes from life experiences and they do not claim to be an expert in this area.