Thank you for your visit last night. Honestly, I don’t really love when you pay me a visit but I realized that you’ve started feeling milder and less threatening to my sense of self. The frequency of your visits has been increasing lately and I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about it. Your arrival seems as unexpected as always, given the fact that I am still just trying to figure out my way around you.
Nevertheless, I want you to know that I do not hate you. Sometimes, when you drag me down to my lowest point of desperation and neediness like a big swing, I don’t know what to do but I am generally grateful for your presence. You, out of all other existing emotions and instances make me realize that every one of us is just humans; made of flesh, bones, and a heap of complicated emotions.
As you come, so you go. You make me realize the importance of being grateful for what I have in my life and many a time you’ve made me realize that I am not as weak or as strong as I think of myself to be. Each of your visits has made me realize a new thing about myself, of course not every finding is enlightenment but then all of it is me.
Unlike me, a lot of people seem to absolutely hate you and I certainly see where they come from, you have the tendency to piss people off and make them feel less about themselves. I often find myself wondering about you when you’re not around for a long time and this might make some people feel that I have a weird relationship with my anxiety. Maybe somewhere deep down, I believe that you have helped me shape myself up to who I have become
.Anyway, our friendship has been a rollercoaster ride: almost like a commitment with a toxic partner. Because, well you don’t really give me a choice and maybe that is the reason why I have mixed feelings about the word “COMMITMENT”.
See you around !
-Sonam Dolma Sherpa