A night ago, I finished reading a book and the highlight was how one perceives what being toxic is. Basically, something that is toxic to you might not be toxic to someone else, right. The whole scope of individualism comes here, yet we at some point do agree on a mutual ground to what we define what toxic is. What exactly is toxic, then? According to my understanding, it simply is someone who drains you out of energy, no physical exercise, just to be clear. The sour taste on the back of your mind with negativity, mental and physical injuries such as unnecessary guilt, self-hatred which builds up ending in draining oneself out. It leaves you in exhaustion.
It fumbled back to my high school days, I had a friend who was very toxic to the point it created a rift at my home. The manipulation was off the books and the lies were off the rails. I even wrote a small poem on it, it was titled “MAD MAN”. Here it goes:
“I met a mad man, once.
Who believed to be a protagonist,
with power to save the world.
But the mad man wasn’t.
A delusional individual,
mastered mischiefs of looping
fiction to reality spectrum.
Confessed he murdered some
While he vanished others.
Birthed them again,
With honey like lies.
But he was just a mad man,
A schemer, everybody knew.
Before I became the puppet in his play,
He was a godly dew.”
I believe we all have dealt with one of these kinds or we might have been the one. Have you ever questioned yourself through that lens? We can very easily, like reciting ABCDs, be able to count out what we find toxic in someone. But, the second the table turns, we stammer. Apparently, I questioned myself and it dawned on me. Perhaps, I might be one.
An article on Hack Spirit, “Am I toxic”, has listed out what toxic traits are. They have briefly explained certain circumstances as well. Personally, I found it to be very thoughtful. By the end of the article, they have provided a checklist that could be used to adhere to one’s traits. I ended up realizing I might be toxic to one or two of my friends. Cause, from their side it seems like I have only been taking and never given back enough. Hold on, to be clearer, I went on to do a quiz on a website called: Living Better Lives Counselling. It suggested I keep an eye out since I might be showing some. Well, the third quiz, with a lovely smile, agreed that I am not toxic.
The question was how do I undo my toxic traits. How do I work on it before I leap to put the blame on someone else? It is very necessary to realize what makes us toxic, is it the dragging conversation to oneself or talking about someone behind their back or pouring out emotions and complaining. Being judgmental all the time and getting into conflicts more than necessary and such as. The first step would surely be removing negative people from your life.
I recently have learned that growth isn’t necessarily an addition, but deduction of irrelevance is growth as well. I left a place that paid me more than enough, yet it completely drained me out of my mental peace. Not only me, but every staff that left would agree to it after. It applies to every situation where another person is involved, you come in with the sunshine. Our worries aren’t their concern. More like an unclaimed baggage, we have to let go. Secondly, journaling about what you are grateful for or just your running thoughts helps to eradicate the foul energy in us. Reading keeps you fueled with ideas, knowledge, and ethereality. Since reading culture has been fascinatingly growing, I am sure people like you would agree to it.