Catharsis : Makes me free, for I do not prefer to be a prisoner

Catharsis Yeti Journals

This is the whisper of truth. Truth, that is in the gaps between the words, in the spaces between the lines. This is a silent, unspoken whisper of the truth…

Enfolded by silence from all around and accompanied by the bleak rays of those glistening stars amid the darkness of the night, I close my eyes, meditate, and go deep, deeper into it. Gradually, truth liberates; the truth that is entrenched deep in my being; whose essence is the highest in life yet the deepest in the heart. Beholding this truth, there, you come across like a silver lining amid this darkness behind the closed eyes; like the bliss that has to be found deep, hidden behind the sorrow of my life. And, with the advent of you, slowly you become a spring of joy, a festival, delivering me from all my miseries, all the sufferings.

You fill different colors of delight, joy and bliss; the emblems of pure love and compassion into the white canvas of my life. A beautiful picture of you- you paint in this void canvas of my being, transforming every ugly part in me into the beautiful. And now with your soul dwelling inside me; with your heart pulsating in every heartbeat of mine, I am not me anymore. I am transformed into paradise, that sacred heaven where dwells the divine soul of yours.

With my eyes still closed, meditating and going deep, deeper into it, as I see you in the divine, beautiful painting that you had crafted inside my being, I reminisce of the moment I first saw you. Seeing you for the first time was like something stirring in my heart; a chord was touched, something was triggered, a synchronicity. The tousled hair, your gruff voice, that pointed stub of your chin and the stone face, as I liked to call, which never portrayed any ecstasy, neither your sadness except for those brown eyes that glistened with a smile or welled with sorrow.

Ah! Nothing can be more beautiful than this picture of yours which radiates compassion, that serene love from every corner of yours. And with this compassion; with your presence in me, I feel light, I feel flowing as if you have poured some nectar into my being. I feel warm within my heart. I seek your company; I enjoy it because I am nourished by it. I AM SIMPLY NOURISHED BY YOUR PRESENCE.

You are a poetry. Divine and beautiful, such transcendental. Pure, calm and peaceful. You are an expression in yourself; a serene compassion. And your silence is the essence of every single words in the poetry, that poetry which beholds a tremendous music in itself; that poetry which enfolds a purity of bliss and a moment of immense eternity.

The poetry beholds no word but only eternal silence, that silence which communicates the truth as it is. What I cannot say in years is now communicated in a single moment of silence. And what was never said is now transpired when between me and you, there is no barrier of thought, no clash of words – when my silence and your silence is just present to each other, mirroring each other.

The more I dissolve in this silence, in you; the more the calmness deepens; the compassion goes deeper and deeper to the very core of my being. The fragrance evolves gradually as an emblem that one thousand petaled lotus in the innermost core of my being has bloomed, that the spring has come, and that I am no more the same person I used to be. And I love you. I embrace this. I embrace this silent, unspoken truth of my life; the truth which is entrenched deep in my being; whose essence is the highest in life yet the deepest in the heart.

The day we were tied to a single knot and called “a soul dwelling in two bodies”, you gave me the words that you shall always be integrated with me, for eternity. You were an alchemist who transformed my aversion, dislike, hatred and repulsion into possessiveness, liking, clinging and attachment. With your alchemy, the stone heart of this vagabond started melting in gratitude. Though for a fleeting moment but you have bestowed me smile which goes deeper than the lips, the smile with which the heart collaborates and the feeling stands behind; now and forever.

Yes, today as you disappeared amidst the flame in that pyre, which went on and on and knew of no cessation, like smoke I felt, that smoke evolving from the flame of yours which had the belief not to unravel the single knot we are bonded with. Because we are a single soul dwelling in two bodies. Because you are a phoenix, utterly burnt in the pyre and reduced to ashes but you will reborn out of the ash – such a divine resurrection! With your cell growing in my being, inside my womb, we will again be a single soul dwelling in two bodies.

We will, very soon. Because I am integrated with you, rooted with you. Because you are deathless and I believe death happens on the outside, never on the inside; the inside is eternal. And your soul is beyond death – it has always been here, will always be here, within me. You are pure love, a blessing to my existence – deathless and timeless.

I take a deep breath, open my eyes. And with the rising sun, with the sky turning red and with that last star of the night disappearing, you too depart. Slowly, you disappear. You become pure love, compassion; a pure life. That pure life which has tremendous beauty and ecstasy, and with this pure life, you are transformed into infinity – deathless and timeless…